Did You Understand That Reference?

The one in the title. We’re very curious.

So Let’s Talk (Content Warning)

This will be one of those Very Special Episodes of the Zosian Tales newsletter, so we’re sorry in advance if that isn’t your thing. We’ll be back to jokey jokes next newsletter, probably.¹

A fair warning: we’re going to be talking about some heavy topics in this edition, including a frank discussion of different types of suicidal ideation. You are really, really encouraged to skip out on this one if those topics upset you. Who wants to walk around upset all day when you can easily just click the “x” or the “archive” or the “delete” button? You have our full permission to do any one of those. Yes, even if you answer every newsletter.²

¹ Consistency? We never knew ‘er.

² Lookin’ at you, friends from The Forge. Aren’t we nice? We didn’t even call you out by name.

Do You Have It?

Is there a time of year where the urge to write completely disappears? Or maybe you sit down at the keyboard and nothing feels exciting anymore, even though you would desperately like to write. Is that time of year perhaps Winter, the killer of all creative dreams?³

If that sounds like you, congratulations! You have won the worst prize ever, which is to say, depression. Likely seasonal depression, if your crashes coincide with it getting darker out for longer.

But hey, depression don’t judge (by which we mean it doesn’t discriminate, and can strike at any time, like the worst Social Justice Warrior).⁴

³ Or is it all the time, which is scarier? Cos… we’ve been there, too.

⁴ Side note, do you have bipolar type 2? Then you have seasonal depression. It’s a fun bonus, which you are not able to opt out of. Yes, thank you, brain. We will treasure it.

So What Do You Do?

Well, first of all, talk to a doctor if you have access to one. Very highly recommend this step, and please don’t take what we say next as medical advice, because We Are Not Doctors.⁵

But assuming you don’t have access to a doctor… what are some things you can do? What are things that have helped us in the past? Well, there are a few things that we can recommend:

1. Up your Vitamin D intake. You’re not getting as much sunlight, so you’re not making as much, and likely you’re not making enough.⁶

2. Get a sun lamp. These are like $40 on Amazon. You want one that’s at least 10k lumens. Start with 15 minutes at 10k, and work your way up slowly, in case you are bipolar. That shit will make you go manic if you’re not careful.

3. EXERCISE. It will feel like hell to start every time, but will it help? YES.

4. Did we say talk to a doctor? We’re repeating it here. Bringing in the big guns is the best thing you can do for depression.

⁵ We don’t know how you would get the impression that we were, but we’re saying it anyway.

⁶ It’s fine if you take too much. You just pee it out.

Should I Be Worried?

This is the part where we talk about suicide. Skip this part if you’re gonna get upset. Last warning.

Okay, now that we’ve made sure you’re not gonna make it WORSE, we’ll talk about active vs. passive suicidal ideation. Fun!

• Active suicidal ideation: You are making a plan. You are writing apology letters. You are giving away your stuff. You need to go to the motherfucking emergency room. We’re not joking—stop reading and go now.

• Passive suicidal ideation: It would be nice to die. Or maybe it would be nice to sleep and never wake up. Or maybe it would be nice to be outside of your head for the duration. You don’t need to go to the emergency room… yet. But you’re on thin ice, and we’re watching you, punk.

Hey, Why Are You Talking About This?

Because we have seasonal depression! Duh. And it’s currently kicking at least one ass on the unpaid intern team.⁷

Well, technically, both unpaid interns have bipolar type 2. Remember footnote #4? This is how we know. Personal experience.

⁷ Do you have any idea how much this sucks? It’s NaNo-Fucking-WriMo! Writer Super Bowl! Whyyyyyy.

Today’s Recommendations

Get out and get some sunlight.

Oh, all right, if you insist, we suppose we can be bothered to rec a thing.

Wait, provided to Youtube by Fueled By Ramen? Best band name ever.

That’s All They Wrote!

Come back next time for more exciting discussions of terrible things, like taxes.⁸

⁸ You think we’re joking, but actually, one of the unpaid interns is starting a super nerdy job as a Senior Tax Manager soon. Have fun with all the numbers, Ember! Shudder.